How do you know if someone has bad energy or is not a good person to be around?
This is a great question, but there are far too many nuances to provide a simple answer. But what I will say, is to pay attention to how people make you feel when you’re around them. If they make you feel any type of negative emotion, they might be what we call an energy vampire.
I don’t know if you’re a reader or not, but the Empath’s Survival Guide has been fairly helpful for me as a highly-sensitive person. There’s one section of the book that talks about energy vampires. These are people who actually "suck the positivity and peacefulness right out of you."
Energy vampires drain our energy both physically & emotionally. Therefore, it’s not only important that we identify who they are in our lives, but we also need to understand ways we can effectively deal with them. The list and descriptions are in no way intended to label anyone rather shed light on certain behavioral patterns we may notice in the people in our lives.
Allow me to help you do just that:
Narcissists
Narcissists are known to have an inflated or exaggerated sense of self. They have an excessive need for admiration and a lot of us feel like we have to give them a lot of compliments in order to be liked by them or get their approval.
The key word to remember when dealing with a narcissist is manipulation. These are master manipulators and a lot of times it’s covert. We can’t really see it. They use techniques like gaslighting, where they distort your perception of reality and make you question your sanity.
It’s also been found that narcissists have a lack of empathy. They don’t have a great ability to show genuine concern for other people’s situations and feelings. On top of that, they tend to blame other people for their problems or issues.
I want to make the distinction that some people have narcissistic traits yet still possess empathy, so that’s going to look a little different, which makes it hard to identify a true narcissistic person. However, they have little to no capacity for unconditional love, so it’s important to keep this part in mind as you try to identify them.
Coping Strategies for Dealing With a Narcissist
● Do not let yourself be manipulated. We might not realize when this even happens, but once you identify a narcissist, you can become more aware of their behaviors and when they might be trying to manipulate you.
● Lower your expectations for their emotional capabilities.
● If it’s possible, you might need to stop all contact with them. When it comes down to your own mental health, severing ties is sometimes the only way to protect your energy.
● Don’t fall in love with them! Easier said than done since narcissists can be very charming and charismatic. But, that comes with a lot of drama and emotional abuse.
The Victim
Someone with a victim mentality has an attitude of “the whole world is against me.” Just like the narcissist, these people tend to have a lack of responsibility and accountability. They’re not narcissists in the way where they manipulate or gaslight, but there’s just always something (or someone) that stops them from doing whatever it is they need to do or should be doing.
They have what we call and external locus of control. Nothing is ever in their control, even though it is. People with a victim mentality sometimes develop this mindset from various trauma or abusive situations. Many people with this mindset don’t think highly of themselves and blame other people for their misfortunes - when you don’t own your own shit, you don’t have to feel bad.
They’re not bad people; however, when we encounter them, it can be really draining for us because they’re complaining all of the time and fail to execute any goal-oriented behavior. And when they don’t, it’s because of some other thing that kept them from reaching a goal or obligation. This can be really difficult and frustrating to deal with.
Coping Strategies for Dealing With The Victim Mentality
● Set boundaries. Don't’ engage or offer solutions because it will only exhaust you. Oftentimes they will always have a reason why your advice or help won’t work. Limit the amount of time you talk with them and if you need to say something, try saying, “I’m confident in your ability to work through this.” And leave it there.
The Drama King or Queen
With the Drama King or Queen, it’s always SOMETHING. You know who I’m talking about - every time you talk to them, there’s always something going on with their mom, dad, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, job, whatever. A lot of times, it’s not even their drama. It’s other people’s!
They get really enjoyment by other people’s reactions to drama, so they like to bring it to you, as if you want to hear about it. Let me tell you something: I don’t want to hear it, no matter how juicy it is. Yeah, we all love a little tea here and there. But the JUICE here is to not let that affect my vibration.
When dealing with people like this I often think...”What do you get out of talking about drama? Doesn’t that make you feel sick and tired? Doesn’t that drain you?” Because I can feel the soul leaving my body when talking to someone who always has some drama going on. In reality, the drama kings and queens are energy vampires.
Coping Strategies for Dealing With The Drama King or Queen
● Redirect the conversation and ask them about their goals, their aspirations - anything but the drama.
● Just don’t ask them how they’re doing, because you probably don’t want to know.
● If people start talking about drama, exit the room. You don’t need it.
● Set boundaries. Spend less time talking to them or even cut ties if it’s really draining your energy.
The Passive Aggressive Personality
These people express their anger with a smile. Passive aggressive personalities have a hard time saying what they want and need, or feel like they can be directly angry. Think of it as sugar-coated hostility that you can intuitively sense beneath the façade.
You’ve probably seen this before through sarcastic comments directed toward you. They’ll hurl criticisms or little digs and then say, “Oh I’m just playin.” But no, they’re not. Here’s the thing: Sometimes you’ll find yourself asking if you’re the one trippin', but they DO mean harm. Don’t second-guess it.
Also, passive aggressive people will often preface what they’re saying with, “No offense, but…” If you have to do that, you KNOW whatever comes after that is going to be offensive. Better yet, just say what you feel. As grown men and women we need to step up our communication skills.
Coping Strategies for Dealing With The Passive Aggressive Personality
● Trust your intuition. You CAN tell when someone is being passive aggressive by the way they deliver what they say. Then be direct and address the behavior. Say, “Do you want to talk about what you really mean?”
While this is not an exhaustive list of energy vampires out there, I hope this helps shed some light on the ones who may be in your life. It’s important to always trust your intuition so if something feels off with someone, then it probably is.
Don’t let anyone guilt you into dealing with them.
I talk about energy vampires in Episode 7 of the No Tea, Just Juice Podcast, take a listen!
Which energy vampire(s) do you notice in your life? Comment below and tell me about it!
Peace, Love & Juice!